Back Burner
by Salazarfalcon
Summary: All Shion can do right now is hold him tight enough to keep him together, even though he imagines that at this point the pieces of him are probably littered all over the floor just like the coffee mugs. SPOILERS FOR FINAL EPISODE.


Back Burner

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><p>Summary: Inspired by a prompt on the No.6 kink meme, which requested a heartbroken Nezumi and snuggles because lord knows that boy needs them. I aim to please!<p>

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><p>Disclaimer: Yeah, right. Not a chance am I making any money off of this.<p>

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><p>AN: YEAH, TOTALLY TWEAKING THE END OF THE SERIES. Because no freaking way should anyone be walking off alone into the sunset after all this shit. They'll need therapy for <em>years<em>. Also, kind of ignoring the baby.

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><p>The gun goes off and Nezumi cries like his heart's been ripped out when he realizes that <em>Shion did it<em>, and it was _all his fault_.

The floor's slippery with blood when he manages to get to his feet and he doesn't want to think about it. Shion's supporting him (he always has, even though this might be the first time he's had to support him physically) and by the time they're in the elevator, he's forcing back the shakes and sobs because he can't afford it.

He's never wanted Shion to be anyone other than himself, and Nezumi knows that neither of them will ever be the same.

He feels like his heart's been left on the tile floor, right over the body of that broken guard.

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><p>Nezumi doesn't know if he can break any more.<p>

Shion's not moving. Inukashi and Rikiga are gone and now there's nothing left to do but be destroyed. He reaches out to brush his hand against Shion's cheek; it's soft and smooth and _he never wanted this to happen_.

All he can do now is cover his face with a scrap of fabric.

Nezumi rocks back and sings because he can barely even cry anymore and he finds his tears hard to justify because there's no way to make up for this. Not now, not when this should never have happened. This should never have happened to Shion.

All Nezumi's ever wanted is for Shion to stay himself.

Nezumi curls up on the hard, stone floor and the tears come anyway.

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><p>Nezumi tries to walk off but Shion's too quick for him and reaches out to grab his hand. He tries to yank away but Shion's stronger than he'd seem and probably knows that Nezumi doesn't have the willpower to try again.<p>

It was hard enough to make the first effort; they both know that as long as Shion's fingers stay wrapped around his, he won't be going anywhere.

The walls are gone, and the only things keeping the two of them grounded are warm, strong, anchoring hands, clinging onto each other like there'll never again be anything steady.

Shion's trembling and Nezumi comes to his senses just enough to squeeze. He receives one in return, just as strong.

Nezumi doesn't know how long they stand there, just watching and breathing and _holy shit they're actually alive_. The sun's so bright and he never thought he'd see sunlight again and Shion, alive and breathing, might be the most beautiful thing he's ever seen in his life.

He trembles because there are suddenly sobs rising in his throat, but he can't. He can't because Shion's alert and staring, and he's hollering at the top of his lungs because he sees his mother and he starts running towards her, dragging Nezumi behind him because he knows better than to let him go right now.

Nezumi's glad, but he knows he doesn't deserve it and he still can't bear to give up the last thing that means something to him.

He won't cry again. He won't.

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><p>It seems strange for things to be so quiet when nothing in the world will ever be the same. Shion can't help but think this, hours later, sitting in the bakery that had been his home for the four years after he was expelled from Chronos. It's still home but yet not, and he misses the smell of warm paper and ink that tends to permeate Nezumi's apartment.<p>

Karan is out; she took the little girl (Lily, he remembers) to look for her family. There's a high chance that they're dead and he doesn't want to think about it because so many people are gone and he's not.

Shion's on the floor of his bedroom and Nezumi's sitting atop his bed. It felt like Karan had instantly known who he was because the moment she'd let go of Shion and laid eyes on Nezumi, she gasped and flung her arms around him too and Shion almost laughed because he'd never seen that level of shock on Nezumi's face in the entire time they'd been together.

He can't help being worried though because the other boy hasn't said a word, not a single word since he leaned forward and tried to kiss him goodbye.

_No more_, Shion had wanted to say, _You made the rule yourself, no more farewell kisses_. He'd wanted to glare at him and chide but couldn't because it was too serious for jokes and he had done the only thing he could. He'd done the only thing he could think of to keep him there. He grabbed Nezumi by the hand and didn't let go even when he struggled or when he quieted either.

"Hey, I'm going to make some coffee,"Shion says, getting to his feet. Nezumi just barely inclines his head and worry chills Shion's insides because being that blank is no one's natural. "You want some? I think we can both use the warmth."

Another nod.

Shion hesitates briefly on his way out because he could swear that he hears Nezumi's breath catching in his throat, but when he turns back to look he looks the same as he did before. Shion doesn't know how he can be so strong because all it took was one single glimpse of his mother to send _him_ into absolute hysterics, the likes of which hadn't been seen from him since he was three and throwing tantrums in the grocery store.

The coffee doesn't take long to make and Shion's at the top of the stairs and just about to step through the door when he hears a noise and freezes.

It's almost instinctive now because that's not a noise he's used to hearing, a strange combination of a sniff and a muffled choke. Shion adjusts his grip on the mugs and peers into his bedroom.

The tray and the coffee hit the ground just seconds later because Shion can't think about drinks when he's seeing what he's seeing.

Nezumi's got his knees pulled up to his chin and both of his hands covering his mouth, and tears are slipping down his cheeks. He moves one of his hands just enough to swipe ferociously at them before they can hit the blankets and give him away. He's shaking all over.

"N-Nezumi?" Shion finally stammers out, and the horrified expression that passes over the other boy's face is enough to snap him out of his statue imitation. He ignores the liquid that's pooling outside the door and steps inside, making a beeline for the bed.

Nezumi recoils away from him when he approaches but Shion ignores that too in favor of wrapping him up in a hug. Nezumi doesn't bother to fight him but instead clenches his eyes shut as if shutting him out will negate the fact that he's breaking and that now his lip's bleeding from his determination to not make a sound.

"Nezumi, Nezumi, what's wrong?"

The noise Shion gets in response is enough to freeze him to his bones because he can't tell if it's a sob or a near hysterical laugh, and Nezumi stops trying to shove him away long enough to cover his face, curling in on himself and inadvertently burying his head somewhere between Shion's hips and his chest.

"What's _wrong?_ What isn't wrong?" Nezumi's voice cracks and he cuts the words off, curling in tighter. All Shion can do right now is hold him tight enough to keep him together even though he imagines that at this point the pieces of him are probably littered all over the floor just like the coffee mugs. "How can you _ask_ me that?"

"I'm asking because I don't know," Shion replies. He's never been afraid _of_ Nezumi but now he can safely say that he's definitely afraid _for _him. "We're alive, we made it. The wall's gone. You're safe, I'm safe—"

He's cut off by a sob.

Nezumi's not seeing a comfortable bedroom right now. He's not seeing safety or a victory. All he can see is the blank non-expression on Shion's face when he pulls the trigger, then the look of horror and shock when he realizes what he's done. He sees the look of rage and betrayal as Nezumi goads him enough to try and keep him alive, dragging him through his grief at the loss of Safu.

All Nezumi can see is Shion, shot through the chest and falling.

All he can see is the _lack_; no heartbeat, no breath, no movement.

"You were _dead_, Shion!" he finally manages to snarl out, the edge dulled somewhat by the fact that he had to stop halfway to sniff, "You were dead! You killed someone and then you _died_ and there was nothing I could do and it was all my fault and—" Nezumi breaks off because he can't continue and he remembers how heavy Shion's body was draped over his back. "I thought—You were dead and I- I-"

_I was so fucking scared._

"Shhhh," Shion's voice is low and trembling but he's steady. He feels like he's been run down by a truck, because he's seen Nezumi angry and he'd give anything for anger right now. His brain flashes back to hours before, dropping the gun and seeing Nezumi on the floor, in tears just like now. Anger is nothing compared to how seeing him cry feels right now. "I think I told you. It's not your fault. It's not, it's not."

He hadn't had the time to stop back then to hold him properly and reassure him more.

Now, Shion would have given about anything to have spared the extra seconds.

A hand finds its way underneath Nezumi's chin to try and tilt his head up so Shion can look him in the face. He won't open his eyes, but he doesn't have to because Shion's tightening his grip and leaning forward to nuzzle his face in his hair.

"We're okay," he promises, feeling the words ring true, "_We're okay_. And we're going to stay okay."

Shion takes one of Nezumi's hands and brings it up, resting it just to the left of his chest.

"Feel that? I'm alive. I'm here with you and I'm not going anywhere."

Finally, finally, Nezumi stops fighting him. He goes very still and eventually sags, slumping forward. Shion lets him, _encourages_ him to drape himself over him because he needs Nezumi to feel safe and he needs him to be there just as much as Nezumi needs him, whole and himself.

Strong, muscled arms encircle Shion's waist and hands, larger than his own and calloused, dig in and clench at the fabric of his shirt.

Shion's suddenly glad that he had enough sense to change out of the bloodied one.

Nezumi's still in tears but less panic-stricken now and Shion's not sure whether he's calming or whether he's worn himself out. Regardless of reason though, Shion can't deny the relief that's beginning to take effect.

He doesn't know what's going to happen or what they're going to do. Shion wonders if Inukashi and Rikiga made it out alright, but knowing them and their instinct to survive, he has few doubts on their chances.

All he knows is that the wall is gone, he's alive, Nezumi's alive, and he's home again, even if it doesn't smell like books and paper and the flowers that Shion insists on keeping whenever they end up in Nezumi's costumes.

Shion doesn't know how long he sits, still and silent, before Nezumi stirs, sitting up and pulling away just the slightest bit. The taller boy raises his hands to his face and rubs at his eyes. They're teary and red-rimmed but finally open and unafraid to look at him and Shion can't help smiling because that's _hope_ and he knows that neither of them are broken yet.

"Sorry, I dropped the coffee," Shion whispers finally, and is rewarded with a startled snicker from Nezumi, who looks shocked at the fact that it slips out. That tiny, quiet laugh turns into something bigger until it's a giggle, and then Nezumi's shaking again, this time with laughter. Shion joins him and if he gave half a damn about the neighbors, he'd wonder if they thought they were both insane because now they're just howling with mirth and Nezumi's hugging him properly now, leaning forward to brush his cheek against Shion's.

He pauses briefly before ducking forward to press his lips to the scar that ends just under Shion's eyes, brushing aside a lock of his hair, white as the new fallen snow, to do so.

His skin fizzes and burns, and Shion marvels at the sudden sweetness he can feel down to his bones.

They jump simultaneously when the front door opens and Karan calls out,

"I'm back!" and they can hear the lighter footsteps of Lily, and Shion knows that that can only mean something bad. "Shion?"

"Yeah, Mom!" Shion calls back. He hears footsteps on the stairs and a sudden gasp, and he realizes what the hallway must look like, the tray and broken mugs and coffee everywhere. "Sorry about the mess in the hall! I'll clean it up, I prom-"

"It's okay, Shion."

Shion's heart clenches because he knows that he could probably set the world on fire and it wouldn't matter to his mother as long as he was still there.

"No, really! Give me like, two minutes and it'll be good as new."

Not like he has a choice, because Nezumi's untangling himself and sliding off the bed to drop to his knees in the doorway to pick up the shards.

"You too, Nezumi, stop that!" Shion protests, hurrying forward himself, "I broke it, I can clean up."

"Never said you couldn't," Nezumi mutters to him, "So get to it. You get the liquid, I'll pick these up."

"I can get _all_ of it. You don't need to help."

"Yep," Nezumi just nods and completely ignores him, meticulously picking up each piece.

From the way that he doesn't put down the broken pieces of ceramic, Shion has to wonder if they're talking about the same thing at all.

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><p>Dinner is nowhere near as awkward as it probably ought to be and for that Nezumi's incredibly grateful. Karan can't keep her hands and attention off of her child (not that Nezumi blames her for in the slightest because, <em>really<em>) and she doesn't comment on the evidence of tears on Nezumi's cheeks.

The girl (Lily, he reminds himself) is a chatty little thing but endlessly entertained by Nezumi's ability to quote Shakespeare and classic literature verbatim at the drop of a hat, and he regales her with some age-appropriate sections from _Much Ado About Nothing_, complete with suitable voice changes and hand gestures. From the way Karan watches her, Nezumi figures that the kid can use all the amusing distractions she can get at this point because she has tear tracks too, and he doesn't forget all the times he walked into his apartment that had become _theirs_ and found Shion reading aloud from his collection to a captive audience.

It's some of the best food that Nezumi's ever had and it reminds him of a single, stormy night long ago, when he had this same woman's cooking and it warmed him just the same.

Nezumi's focused on distracting Lily but Shion's focused on Nezumi, watching him relax into a role that he knows well and marveling at how well he just seems to _fit_. Shion relaxes right along with him and settles back to enjoy the show, unable to keep from slipping a hand under the table and finding Nezumi's. The other boy doesn't miss a beat in his speech but Shion can feel long fingers lace with his and he can't help the ridiculous smile that spreads over his face.

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><p>Nezumi had fully intended to sleep on the couch that night, but instead found himself effectively bullied and harassed into joining Shion in his. It wasn't something particularly uncommon at home (Shion only barely fit on the couch and Nezumi couldn't <em>really<em> deny that he liked the company) but he hadn't expected it here. Nevertheless, he relishes in the increased space and in the fact that while they didn't _have _to snuggle to avoid falling off, Shion presses up against him anyway likes he belongs there (and to Nezumi, he does).

He doesn't know if the invitation is out of sympathy, loneliness, or simple desire, but Nezumi can't really bring himself to care too much because he's wrapped around Shion like a blanket inside of a blanket and it kind of makes Nezumi's heart want to explode.

Shion's asleep long before Nezumi's eyes start to droop. He nudges him slightly just to be completely sure that he's totally out before slinging a leg over his hip in the most inconvenient way possible and pressing his nose into the nape of his neck.

"Thus conscience does make cowards of us all," Nezumi whispers warmly into his skin, and a small, slow smile curls at his lips. "I'll endeavor, then, to not remain a coward."

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><p>AN2: HOW DO THEY ALWAYS END UP IN BED—I DON'T EVEN KNOW. –facepalm- Anyway, please leave a review if you enjoyed this, or if you want to smack me with a shovel instead. I will gladly engage in shovel battle with any takers.<p> 


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